Hello,
I’m writing this sick in bed.
Fall has brought on waves of feeling. I keep saying to anyone who will listen “I’m so emotional.” It is hard for me to categorize it into “good” or “bad” feelings like I once have. It is just a depth and intensity that has me crying at the sunset in the cold November air. It is a joy and sadness and everything in-between about how hard I have tried to come out of this (life) unscathed and how much this has made me suffer. The game is not to get out of this unmarked and unburdened, in fact, I think it’s quite the opposite. I’m here to participate, and get my hands dirty. To try not in spite of failure, but because of it. Because I came here, to earth, to fail and learn. To love, and fail, and learn.
I have said goodbye to my better self. The self that has always glowed in the distance, promising much, but giving very little.
I’ve started a new job, and am amazed at how much gratitude I feel towards it even when it isn’t my “dream” money situation.
The secret is that there is not a single worthwhile feeling in the life that makes you wait for it.
The secret is it is better to be honest than good.
Everything, and I mean everything, is a path back to God. That is, on the conditions that you keep your heart open. This thought returns in really wonderful moments and terrible ones. Keeping an open heart, always, is my new experiment. It’s my thesis statement. I am curious to see where it takes me.
In this podcast I start off talking about death in reference to Tao Lin’s essay: My Spiritual Evolution. I feel good about death, great even. Thinking about my inevitable death more has given me a lovely sense of detachment, peace and optimism. I talk about stories as containers, and finally keeping your heart open and how that has showed up in my own life. How a job that is not your dream situation can be an amazing opportunity to practice gratitude.
Talk soon
-Thai x
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