I’m in the thick of it. Margaret by Lana Del Rey is playing in the background. “When you know, you know” echoes from the other room like a pledge, a promise. Right now, if nothing else, I have a deep knowing in a love that bloomed in this old apartment. This apartment that is feeling steadily like a dreaded weight sinking me down.
This past month has been humbling. I’m sure there is some lesson here, in the challenge and the doubt, some growing edge. I’m not there yet though. I am just in it. I have tried to rid myself of it, throw it off of me. In my best moments, I am on the balcony proclaiming loudly that this challenge is just an invitation for me to get deeper with myself, for the present moment to be my final and lasting truth. In my worst moments I am flat on my face burying my head into the mattress, lamenting and sighing.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to we are in a room to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.